Some days I awake with depression setting around my head like a fine mist. If I were not taking a mood enhancer, it would be more like a deep fog. With that being said, I will share a little of my struggle with spiritual depression. I have found that spiritual depression is a harder struggle. With spiritual depression, there is no way to calculated all of my good points and come out on the upside… “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” I may be able to compete with other humans in some areas, but there is no competing with the divine. I know that I fall short of perfection. So, spiritual depression comes when I try to assess how well I am doing in service to the Lord. It also hearkens back to my protestant days when there was a tendency to collect “spiritual scalps.” That is, “how many did you lead to the Lord, today?” So, spiritual depression is a “fundamental” struggle for me. Pun intended.
Some spiritual inventory is a good thing. And, it is very useful for going to confession and setting priorities. But, for me, as stated above it can bring on spiritual attacks. It was during one of these attacks that I gave in to the “woe is me, for I am undone…” scripture and began accepting that I asm, was, a spiritual failure… A mere worm in following my Lord. Once I hit the bottom of the worm category, I stopped and started wondering about God’s perspective.
For instance, if I were God, what in creation would make me laugh and smile. There answer was simple, Squirrels! Squirrels are simply themselves. Running, jumping, chasing each other. Stopping, taking a breath and then off again on some mysterious errand. Squirrels can be entertaining, light hearted, full of the joy of life, and yet, absolutely maddening and seen as tree rodents by some. Squirrels can be destructive to attics and flower gardens. Maddening in the way they can get into bird feeders, and aggravate others such as birds and people with no sense of humor. Some people see squirrels as having no redeeming traits at all. That’s when it suddenly occurred to me and I started laughing. I am God’s squirrel! I do or have done all of the above without even trying! Just ask my well organized, task completing, “everything has a place,” husband. He certainly knows how maddening I am when I flit from project to project. Or, when I fail to follow through or up on something! Some have over my lifetime have even named me correctly, as “squirrelly.”
So, in meditating upon squirrels, found myself laughing and the depressive enemy attack disappeared. After all, how can any attack succeed when the attackee is laughing agreeing with the assessments! So, with all of this in mind, I submit to you my mediation on Squirrels and close with the following Odes. I hope you find them amusing!
Please find the Odes in my blog section… the poetry form does not work here.